The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry

Author:Bruce Perry
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Basic Books

AS CONNOR PROGRESSED in the music and movement class, we began to see other positive changes as well. For one, his gait became much more normal, even when he was nervous. Also, over time the rocking and humming gradually lessened. When we first got to know him these behaviors were almost constant if he wasn’t engaged in a task like schoolwork or playing a game. But now he only reverted to them if something seriously frightened or upset him. I wish all of my patients were as easy to read! Because of this trait I was able to know instantly if we had gone too far with any challenge and pull back until he could comfortably face it. After he’d been in treatment for about a year, his parents and his teachers began to see the real Connor, not just his weird behavior.

After he’d learned to successfully sustain a rhythm, I began parallel play therapy with him. The music and movement class and massage therapy had already improved his behavior: so far, he had had no further tantrums after the incident that had almost prompted Jane to end his therapy with us. But he still lagged in social development, was still being bullied and still had no friends. A typical treatment for adolescents with such problems is a social skills group like the one Connor had been in when he first came to us. However, because of the developmental lag he’d experienced due to his early neglect, this was still too advanced for him.

The first human social interaction begins with normal parent/infant bonding. The child learns how to relate to others in a social situation in which the rules are predictable and easy to figure out. If a child doesn’t understand what to do, the parent teaches him. If he persists in misunderstanding, the parent corrects him. Repeatedly. Mistakes are expected and rapidly and continually forgiven. The process requires enormous patience. As Mama P. reminded me, babies cry, they spit up, they “mess,” but you expect it and love them anyway.

In the next social arena the child must learn to master—the world of peers—violating social rules is far less tolerated. Here, rules are implicit and are picked up mostly by observation rather than direct instruction. Mistakes can result in long-term negative consequences as peers rapidly reject those who are “different,” those who don’t understand how to connect and respond to others.

If someone hasn’t developed the ability to understand the clearly defined rules of the parent/child relationship, trying to teach him peer relations is almost impossible. Just as higher motor functions, such as walking, rely upon rhythmic regulation from lower brain areas like the brainstem, more advanced social skills require mastery of elementary social lessons.

I had to approach Connor carefully because, at first, he was skeptical about me: talking to shrinks hadn’t done him much good, and he found relating to others difficult in general. So I didn’t attempt to engage him directly. I gave him control of our interaction; if he wanted to talk to me, I would talk to him, but if he didn’t, I would let him be.

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